Been a while since I did brand of the week. And after the halftime show at the NFL Superbowl, this weeks brand of the week goes to the very spritely at 53, Madonna.

The press (miming aside), have been almost universal in their praise. Upshot? Queen of Pop comes back to reclaim crown. Gaga who?

Much whipping of excitement, just before an album launch. My, how convenient. But of course it is. Madonna has always been a master manipulator. Even more Machiavellian than the Dark Lord Cowell himself.

So what was so genius about the performance?

If you ask me, not much. The sheer spectacle and staging were impressive. But her marketing masterstroke? A youthful shot in the arm for her tired, fading brand / star (delete as applicable), courtesy of the young guns.

LMFAO. Nicki Minaj. MIA. Cee Lo Green. And the bouncy internet superstar gymnast. Quite the supporting cast list.

By appearing on stage and paying their dues to pop’s Queen, they send word to their legion of fans. This old-lady star is worthy. They extend to her their own credibility. Their cool. The sneaky and subversive message to their younger fan base.

Look at me performing with Madonna. This is a woman I love. And you should too.

It’s one of the commodities she craves the most. That and an Oscar for film. But let’s be honest. That’s never going to happen.  So, for my money, here are marks out of ten for the performance.

• Likelihood the album will go straight in to number 1 in many countries: 10/10
• Jay Leno ad: 7/10, for being relatively amusing
• The guest stars: 9.5/10, very well cast. All played their supporting roles exceptionally well (short of getting on their knees and chanting ‘we’re not worthy).
• The miming: 2/10, because after all the practise, she should be a hell of a lot better at it than that
• The dancing: 5/10, as she’s starting to look like she needs cod liver injections into all moving joints that haven’t been filled.
• The surgery: 4.5/10, because it’s starting to get more than a little creepy
• Likelihood Gaga will do something massively outrageous to try and reclaim headlines: A very tiresome 10/10
• The macrobioticness: 0/10. S’just too try hard…

Iain G. Morrison remembers the scene from In bed with Madonna where they all joked about Madonna still writhing about to Like a Virgin at 50. Oh how they all laughed….